How To Find My First Grade Teacher

Care and Feeding

My Poor Daughter Does Not Know a Soul in Her Class

A young girl wearing a backpack sits and puts her head down to her knees. — Photo analogy past Slate. Photo by Wavebreakmedia/iStock/Getty Images Plus.

Care and Feeding is Slate's parenting advice column. In addition to our traditional communication, every Thursday we feature an assortment of teachers from across the country answering your education questions. Have a question for our teachers? Email askateacher@slate.com or post it in the Slate Parenting Facebook group .

My daughter just started first grade. Terminal year, at that place were five kindergarten classes of about 16 students each. This yr there are iv showtime class classes. We found out today that she doesn't accept a unmarried kid from her sometime class in her new class. Is this typical? I mean, but past chance, I would think she'd have three to iv other kids from her previous class in her class this year? My husband thinks maybe they are already breaking the kids into tracks?

She had perfect grades final yr, and we didn't go any info about her not getting along with others; she got the "best friend" accolade at the stop of kindergarten. Is this weird? My husband went to a tiny rural school where he had the same classmates for years, while I moved all the time and went to many different elementary schools and then we only don't know.

—Information technology's Lone Over Hither

Dear Lonely,

Nope, not weird! Elementary teachers practise develop grade rosters with some degree of intention, merely the decisions are ordinarily based on rationale virtually students' social-emotional needs, not academic tracking, and it's not an especially dramatic or high-stakes selection procedure. More like, "Student A was socially anxious last year, so he might exercise well placed with Teacher B, who is especially nurturing and encouraging," or "Students C and D actually struggled to get forth final year, so let's separate them up." Or, most likely in your case, "Letter of the alphabet Writer's Daughter had a slap-up kindergarten year and got along with everyone; she'll exist fine wherever we put her." Any the rationale, I can assure you pretty confidently that it was not an effort to isolate your daughter—her class placement is due to some combination of random luck and a polish and uneventful kindergarten year. She'll do great in first grade!

—Ms. Bauer (middle and high school instructor, New York)

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Last year I home-schooled my son "Z" due to COVID. Z is an but child and volition always be an only kid. He's very charming, if occasionally aggressive or clingy, but I retrieve it's normal for his age. I was planning to return him to school at least for this year, but given the state of COVID and its variants, I'm not sure what to do. I found out that masks will be optional at school and social distancing is only 3 feet. This has led my husband and me to want to home-schoolhouse for another yr.

My question is about his social development. Teachers I talk to freak out that I taught him kindergarten myself. Nearly family insist he will be a series killer loner if he doesn't interact with a classroom of kids each solar day. How dissentious would information technology exist if I home-school him for first grade? Everyone talks nearly how of import these start couple of years are for social development, merely I don't want to put my son at greater risk. I don't desire to damage him, but I don't want him to go sick or die. How much socialization does he need with kids his age to avoid impairment and existence able to part as an developed down the route? For the tape I was properly "socialized" K-12, and I am weirder than just almost anyone I know.

—All Anxious Nearly the Social Stuff

Beloved AAAtSS,

COVID has presented many challenges to parents, especially those with young children. While I believe strongly that socialization is 1 of the main benefits to early learning, missing out on a couple years will not condemn your son to the life of a serial killer.

Yous're right to be concerned about the school's minimal approach to COVID protections. If the commune's COVID protocols don't live upwards to your expectations, yous should prioritize keeping your child rubber. And if you choose to continue him domicile, it doesn't mean he can't socialize entirely. Consider what primal social skills and behaviors a child gets from classroom experiences. Things like sharing, empathy, and squad dynamics are all-time learned through peer-to-peer experience. It will be very important to create situations for your son to learn and strop these skills with other kids his age.

You might consider a home-schooling commonage where families who dwelling-school get their kids together for common classes, sporting activities, and play sessions. See if you can find ane that'southward on the same page as you with COVID precautions and protocols. If not, regular trips to a neighborhood park could exist a great first step, too.

—Mr. Hersey (second grade teacher, Washington)

My daughter'due south 7 (she'll be 8 in Oct) and about to beginning third class. A blueprint has existed in her educational experience so far that I'm really hoping to break starting this twelvemonth.

According to her preschool teacher, my daughter didn't show much interest in the academic lessons that were being taught in course. I sent her to a kindergarten prep summer camp to help her get ready for elementary schoolhouse, and I signed her upwards for Kumon for extra support. I didn't get much feedback from her counselors at the camp, but in one case she started kindergarten, her teacher made it quite clear pretty early on that she was behind academically when compared to her peers.

My girl continued to struggle throughout kindergarten to keep up with the pace of the curriculum, only with extra aid from one of the special ed teachers, her performance improved enough that she was able to move on to first grade without having to get to summer school.

First grade somewhat mirrored kindergarten: She was behind most of the year, received actress help and was able to pass. With my 74-year-old male parent and asthmatic teen daughter to think of, my husband and I decided to keep my 7-yr-former at home for most of the third grade. She struggled with altitude learning, and her teacher recommended that nosotros have her evaluated for a learning disability. She scored mostly boilerplate on all of the tests they administered and only very slightly beneath on tests that evaluated her working retentivity. They concluded that her shyness and lack of confidence had a lot to do with her struggles.

Having her home for distance learning revealed to me that it takes her longer than her peers to principal a item skill. We were able to get her reading skills upward with a private tutor, just now she'due south struggling in math. She returned to school during the center of April and received extra assist in both reading and math afterwards school, which allowed her to pass the necessary assessments, but her progress report showed more than a few areas that are withal in need of improvement.

She has continued to see her reading tutor periodically throughout the summer, merely I'thousand concerned that she's non prepared plenty for tertiary-form math. How tin can I assistance my daughter pause the cycle of struggling for most of the year and then catching up at the end? I know it's pain her confidence when she sees her friends being able to read books and exercise math problems that she has problem with. She'southward told me on more than than 1 occasion that she doesn't think she'southward smart. When she's effectually family and friends, she'due south and then bright, well-spoken, and clever. People are then surprised when they hear she has trouble in schoolhouse. Information technology baffles me a chip likewise.

Is information technology worth having her evaluated again? Perhaps they missed something? Or is this just a challenge that she'southward going to take to work through on a yearly ground?

—Ever Playing Catch-Upwards

Dear E'er Playing,

While it may be worth having your daughter evaluated again, I suggest you wait. It'due south often difficult to place learning disabilities in younger students, and many times, the transition from the lower primary grades to the upper grades is marked by changes in the fashion kids learn and are taught. It'due south hard to predict how these changes will touch on learning, so I would wait for at least a year before request for some other evaluation.

My suggestion is to take all that y'all take written in your letter of the alphabet and talk over it with your daughter'southward teacher. You've done an splendid job outlining the problem. Explicate the history, state your concerns, and inquire for a plan to be put into identify that will help your girl realize greater success this year. This should include regularly scheduled advice betwixt you and the teacher so that actress help can be provided in a timely way when needed, either at home, school, or ideally in both places. I would too await to establish a positive support arrangement—over again both at schoolhouse and at dwelling—with the goal of boosting your daughter'south self-confidence and cocky-image past jubilant successes whenever they come up.

A strong domicile/school connection will let you and your girl's teacher to work closely this twelvemonth to fill up in whatever gaps before they widen into chasms.

—Mr. Dicks (fifth grade teacher, Connecticut)

I take a son who is five and will commencement kindergarten this month. He displays ADHD tendencies (nosotros'll have a formal evaluation before long) and is very willful. He always has a reason why he can't or shouldn't practice the things yous ask him to exercise, and a willingness to argue (or tolerate punishment) for longer than it would accept taken him to really do the affair. Nevertheless, we have tried to mold him into a respectable citizen by requiring him to practise chores like laundry. Under our supervision, he has to load his laundry and put away the clean, dry out dress. We don't brand him fold his clothes or lucifer his socks, though, considering I am tired of arguing with him. He has plenty of drawer space and his clothes don't pucker, so I don't think it'due south a fight worth having right at present.

Enter my mother. She is an extremely capable person, and I was never organized, fashionable, or hard-working plenty for her. She'due south now a highly regarded teacher of her native language in a public elementary school in my hometown. She told me that when teachers in the public schools see kids with mismatched socks, the kids are warned to "straighten up," and I was setting my son upwardly for problems by not matching his socks.

I am worried about her comment about schools and socks. My mom volition go on me upwards half the night arguing over inconsequential matters until I give in, so I can't really ask her for whatever more details or await her to give objective answers. I am already afraid that my son's behavior volition land him in trouble in kindergarten (like it does to a minor extent in preschool), and I don't want his socks to add to the trouble. On the other hand, I tin can't fathom why whatsoever teacher would care about socks. Do kindergarteners in public school (also the ones taught past my mom) actually get in trouble for wearing mismatched socks?

—Should My Mom Put a Sock in It?

Dear SMMPaSiI,

No. For many reasons, the ii about important beingness that what your child wears does not touch on how your son learns, and teachers penalizing kids for their dress is ethically dicey. Your kid will be fine.

—Ms. Sarnell (early on childhood special pedagogy teacher, New York)

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